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so a great many things have happened since last writing first of all i got my first retail job which is going well actually but i hate closing and i hate how bad my feet hurt but everything else is fine. my coworkers are all nice people and also do not seem to hate working here which is a good sign i think. at my first job in fast food you could kind of tell literally everyone hated it there except for like the teenagers dicking around. nobody would really talk to me. i actually saw my coworker from that fast food place at my new job buying drinks and rang up her shit like "hello! ...OH HELLO" lol. i bought my first ball jointed doll recently, one of those cheaper blind box dolls but they have real doll hair instead of molded plastic which is important to me because i like to pet doll hair & brush it. will post pictures once she arrives. annnnnd the elephant in the room is that i am plural. or at least pretty sure i am. i've had memory issues and a tendency to dissociate and these weird mood swings for prettymuch as long as i can remember and it took me forever to start Actually thinking about it cause like. well your brain really doesn't want you to think about it. i was kind of freaking out at first, tying myself in knots. feeling confused and embarrassed and ashamed, this can't be right, can it? this could be anything! i don't want to be a faker. as if i even actually care about "faking disorders" when it is other people, but of course becomes irrational when applied to myself. or selves. i don't know. i don't think we are very distinct, and there is overlap and it's hard to really tell who is where except for when it is Really obvious (can't get out of bed to go pee, kid alter does not want to let go of the teddy bear.) but we have been trying to communicate. it's strange. i think we were all under the impression we were the same person, or at least i was. so far i only know of myself (vague. host or whatever), randal (yes that one. likes to be out at night.), and the kid (also vague. sometimes comes out during high stress and have to try not to cry). there's probably others. new & figuring it out. it feels weird speaking definitively about it because so much is still unsure but i don't think there is anything wrong with sharing probably. maybe will help make it feel more real. also have been reading black butler manga finally. 8:53PM - 3/22/26 have updated this page to be FAROJA THEMED~~~ think it looks a lot better now. birthday was fine. went to the half price books but there wasn't any good manga so i just bought some pokemon cards & went to buy clothes at the shop next door where there also wasn't much of interest but i did get this cute little valentines-themed sleep set of a cute corset-looking tanktop & pink&red pajama pants. ended up buying myself the first genshiken omnibus off ebay so am excited for that. fwehh lol. held the new cat for the first time today. i think it's funny how my parents went from "we can't take him in but we can at least feed him" to buying him a collar and little cat house and taking him to the vet saying "he's our cat but he has to stay outside" to completely caving and saying "he's gonna be an indoor cat he just can't be indoors until he's neutered" LOL. he's been living in the garage for the time being. 12:46AM - 1/12/26 ~~UPDATE ON MY INTERNET PURCHASE OF SODA BEVERAGES~~lalala lala ok so they were out for delivery for like 6 hours and i was a little worried because the delivery company they were coming from had really bad reviews online like REALLY BAD but! they arrived in the end!! and the delivery company put the box sideways and much too close to the door lol but the ramune was all ok!! it was very nicely packaged and protected all the bottles safe in little bubblewrap cocoons ready to pupate out into my! hands! and theres a lot of flavors and im HAPPY OKAY! also tomorrow is my birthday (or technically today actually because is past midnight)... i'm 22 which is a nice and enjoyable number.wait before i continue i forgot to name the website i bought my soda from ok its yami and i would recommend i think i will probably buy myself some candy and stuff from there sometime. maybe i should have started with chips and candy instead of something so fragile as 7 glass bottles of ramune but it was a good deal ok? ANYWAY tomorrow for birthday i think i just want to go buy secondhand manga lol. and if there's no good manga at the half price books i can do something else instead. and probably eat the same old lemon poundcake i do every year. it's yummy and it amuses me when it's cake time to sing happy birthday because it just looks like a single slice of cornbread with a candle in it lol. also i am reading HEARTLOVEPOWERTEMPLE finally and really enjoying so far. i had seen a person on youtube read some of it but they never finished so it's been rattling around in my head for a long time cause i wanted to read it really really bad but i couldn't buy stuff online by myself so could not access. but i realized now i can buy it so i did la la la la i reeeeallly like it. maybe i will re-theme this blog page after it once i am finished because i do not like the look of this page right now at all, it was kind of a rush job because i wanted to write a blog entry but i have to make a new page every 6 months so i had to throw one together. well i'm out of things to say now, i should really be going to sleep. fwehhh lol 1:15AM - 1/9/2026 today whilst playing roblox i encountered a great urge within myself to eat konpeito candy. so while idling around in tycoon game i start searching how to purchase konpeito on the internet. expensive shipping. bleh. i get sidetracked into just generally candy because now i really want candy. remember the name of some shop i saw on tiktok but it's uk based and shipping is expensive. bleh. search for alternatives. come across a site with a variety of cheap asian goods. intrigued. they only sell a small bag of konpeito so i guess i'm not getting konpeito but now i am just browsing around. i encounter a 7-pack of assorted ramune flavors for 11 bucks. Tempted. but how much is shipping? Five Dollars And 99 Cents. Am i in heaven. it might even arrive on my birthday. joyous. i am unable to resist and i make the purchase. i am not saying the website name on purpose because i want to wait until i've confirmed my yummy drinks arrive well packaged and undamaged before i start shilling. am excited though. 11:26PM - 1/3/2026 |